Feeling: lost in a pool of pure overwhelmedness, full of depression and self-doubt, in the depths of despair in the pit of loneliness, edging on the great void within the abyss. Well, I finally caved in to peer pressure and got a livejournal... http://www.livejournal.com/users/closet_githie I feel like this page lacks color, yet I can't seem to force myself to change it. I know I will like this look again soon. My personality is shifting again, I can feel it. It's going back to the person I was when I watched the disney channel (which I boycott until Eisner is gone, as at this point the company is defaming the Disney name). Those were the times when I was just starting to be depressed, when I devoted a majority of my time to watching sitcoms... Well, some things will never be the same. Anyway, I just can't bring myself to change this layout somehow. I have no pictures that will work, and I cannot describe it in google search terms. Fuck. I cried tonight, just considering singing along with some good music. It's an ability I have, crying on command, all I have to do is think of singing beautifully and my whole head opens up, and I start crying. I've never managed to train it to my advantage, though. I don't like using tears for attention, no matter how much I crave the attention or how much I feel that I really should be crying though I feel so cold... It's just not the right way, you know? I don't understand myself sometimes... Damn, now I'm really crying. Tears are welling up and everything. Smashing Pumpkins just came on. Blue Skies Bring Tears. Great song. Sorry this entry is so long, I just really need to sort things out emotionally, so I can accomplish the impossible mountain of physical and mental work ahead of me (see livejournal entry)... I'm going all emo, you know? Angsty. Sad. But it's not the love type, it's just... life. I suppose that would make me a goth, but I really feel more emo... FUCK. I can't figure anything out right now... I'm also getting new glasses next week, big thick black-rimmed emo glasses. I'm not even sure if I want them anymore. Of course, everything I don't necessarily want to happen is already set in stone. God, I wish I had MPD. As I said in my lj: Pray for me, cry with me, lie to me. Just comment and tell me what to do. I feel so fucking helpless. ~ Angel