Well, I wanted to update since I haven't in just about forever... But sitdiary's not working. Of course. Anyway... My first babysitting Friday was today. I haven't talked to Casey since Wednesday, he called me and I didn't call him back because of my stupid fear of calling the wrong house and didn't get up the balls to call his mom's house until it was too late... So now I feel like shit. I treat him like shit, and he's not. When did I turn into such an asshole? I suppose I'm just self-hating a bit... And I'm lonely and want to talk to him. How fucking selfish can I get? If I called right now I'd probably just get us both in trouble - it's ten minutes after ten... I'm not supposed to be on the computer, but fuck it, I'm going to write my damn diary entry. Listening to Smile Empty Soul's songs "I Want My Life" and "This Is War" repeatedly is helping me a bit... These songs both make me cry, for a lot of reasons, and I feel like crying, also for a lot of reasons... It's weird... I hate how I'm always the last to know about things. I see these awesome gifs in people's diaries, and have no idea where the words came from, and then I hear the damned songs... If there was just one thing I could ask of the people in the world (other than to learn how to love and forget how to hate - thank you Ozzy), it would be to keep me informed of the new good music in the world. Well, not really. That's just something I hope for from my friends. From everyone, a bit of peace, love, and empathy wouldn't hurt. My holy trinity could be beaten up by your holy trinity. So ha. ~ Liz Yeah, I feel like Liz tonight. I have no idea why. Probably because I want to shed the bullshit for a moment and let people see through to the jackass that I am. I am really starting to hate myself for what I'm doing to Casey. Every time I see some guy and think "he's hot" I slap myself... Well not really but I should. I want to be perfect for him, but I'm not. And he's so good. I don't deserve this. Think I'm going depressive again? 'Cause that would be awesome... ;_; I kinda missed it. I love you all, and goodnight. ~ end 10:19 pm