Yay for Depeche mode being everywhere (top of page, entry title, current music). Anyway. I'm getting back into my stay-up-until-midnight-and-write phase. I LOVE BEING THIS WAY. Unfortunately my stay-up-until-midnight buddy (who reads instead of writing) hasn't been online much anymore. I just finished writing two poems about a couple who was into S&M, but got separated by something they couldn't control and missed each other - one from each person's point of view. They are in a contest together ^_^ Yay for bondage. And read the comments on them! It explains stuff! Part One (The Mistress)
Part Two (The Masochist) Anyway... I've actually been doing my homework. Yesterday I came home, realized I didn't have any homework AT ALL because it was all finished, and went out for a walk in the Rare Seattle Winter Sun. I wandered down to the lake and watched the ducks for about 2 hours. They were mostly just sleeping. Then again, I'm easily amused. And it was so pretty and sunny, and warm if I stayed still on the bench... I'm trying to become less dependent upon my friends. They tend to shrug me off or ditch me anyway, I'm a secondary objective to them... So yeah. I'm attempting to get back to the independent, somewhat sulky, semi-loner that I was in middle school. Only thing that will never change is Morgan being my best friend, though she's been threatening, and now I'm considering, giving up our friendship for Lent (even though I don't celebrate Lent, it sounds like a fun idea)... But this independence is really helping me be who I really am. Last night I was alone for four hours and for the most part had no one to talk to and nothing to do but listen to the music on tv. So I listened. And I found myself actually enjoying it. Deeply listening, learning, singing along... It was almost like the highs I used to get on my nights alone ... what, a year ago? I don't even think it was that long... Still, it's been an eternity within that time, if you know what I mean. And then there's boys. Which is what I thought about most of the time I was at the lake... And what I've been thinking about all too much lately, obviously. Matt is my main interest, which grosses out all of my friends (except Carl who thinks I should go out with him but has an ulterior motive of wanting to make Matt be straight). But he's awesome. Bisexual, good hugger, friendly, creepy as all fuck, somewhat mentally challenged... All the things I look for in a guy ^_^ Really I just want someone, but the good hugger point is key, and I only know two really good huggers (one of whom is my best friend's brother - ew). Strangely, all the really amazing huggers I've ever known have been fairly ugly people... GOD DAMN IT I WANT A BOY. Preferably Matt because he's awesome. Yeah, yeah, I know... My entries are really fucking long. DEAL WITH IT. Please read as much as you can bare to. I know it's dumb. But show me some love - leave a comment. I'll be sure to give you a visit and say hi, if not something more meaningful. Love, hugs, and peace to all, and sweet dreams... heh, 12:41 on a school night at present... May your sweetest of dreams become your truest of realities. ~ Beth