Feeling: Tears welling up behind my eyes as a headache brews like a violent storm in my mind, as I wait for my inevitable fate, the doomed academic existence that I have allowed so to falter, and the pain of knowing that if it weren't for this situation I would be at the point of achieving inner spiritual peace. That said, I cry. *tears* I tried cutting again tonight. No luck. Guess it's just a one-time thing. I probably won't even try it again. Well, I finally got around to finishing my China map, but when I got nearly done, I became suddenly and painfully aware that my latitude lines were too curved, and that the whole thing doesn't fit together at all. So I'm back at square one, nothing done, no fun. Nothing seems to be going right anymore. My social life is finally on the upswing, and I find myself completely devoid of happiness. If my school problems didn't exist, I swear to God, I would be at my happiest point, and instead I find myself at rock bottom. As I said earlier while crying and praying, "God, please listen... I'm in a very dark place... Can you please help me... Please?" Then to reinforce it I wrote this: God, please help, I can't get out I'm trapped in sorrow, filled with doubt There's no escape within my sight Though the moon shines, I can't see its light I don't know how you work or feel Or even know that you are real All I know is that I'm trapped In this world of pain enwrapped So here's my prayer, my final plea That you may somehow come to me And lead me out of this hideous void That has somehow my life destroyed I feel I've failed in school and life I cannot solve this with a knife I need your guidance out of here I hope that you can make it clear I know not what your feelings are Only that I feel so far From all the joy that I should feel When pain is all I take as real So please, I beg, come help me cope Guide me on a shorter rope Help me, that I may not stray And make this sorrow go away ... Everything hurts my soul... It's 1:30 am, and I've got to be up in 5 hours... To go to school empty-handed. I have not done a single ounce of homework this weekend. And this was when I was going to get the last of it done... The last... There's no way out of this... I can't keep living like this, I don't know how to assert myself and start actually working, I can't commit suicide... So here I am, at another one of my lowest points so far, another bump on the spiral downward, toward my ultimate fate, or my ultimate springboard to the light I cannot see. I can only hope and pray that it is the latter, and that on my reascent to the world I once knew, I will not hit my head on one of the precipices that I have so painfully hit on the way down.