Say goodbye, don't follow... Yeah... so right when I'm going into a deep depression my "real" friends can't see through my bullshit and refuse to talk to me when I need them most... I would just be honest with them but all I can really get out in the way of honesty is "I really need a hug right now" Pissed off is so not me... I feel wrong. Sick. Dead. Maybe if my mom saw just how badly this affects me she would stop drinking. Maybe if I didn't hang out with people I actually like and care about, and started hanging out with pseudo-intellectual phony assholes, I would get good grades in school. Maybe if I killed myself the world would get better. But see, I don't know. And I don't want any of that bullshit. I just want the world to be better all of a sudden... It's like the sum41 song... "We're all to blame, we've gone too far from pride to shame, we want it all, we're all the same..." well I can't remember the part I meant to quote but it's something about "We want it all, WITH NO SACRIFICE" I don't want to have to sacrifice anything, because I never know what to sacrifice. Nothing feels right. I can't sacrifice my friends for some stupid academic grades - but then I can't sacrifice being allowed to live in my grandma's house because I'd lose my friends anyway, and I can't sacrifice my future for a bunch of friends who treat me like shit anyway. I treat them like shit too. So maybe I deserve it. I wish I could find Dannie to hang out with her more, she was really starting to be one of my best friends but she's always busy with someone. See, no one seems to realize that I care. Because I don't know how to show it. I suck at friends. I suck at myself. I suck at parents. Let's face it, I have no social ability. Guess that's got to be my sacrifice then. Fuck, I want to ask for advice but I don't want Dannie or anyone I know to read this... I should never give anyone the fucking sitdiary url... well... advice anyone? Didn't think so. Fucking private entries.