How in the hell is he gonna try to make me cry during school.
Goddammit.
Not only have I been by myself for the day (Thanks to Brittany being sick and Jacob skipping school), class has been really lame. Every time I see Lyle I try to hide my face so I can’t see the sad look he gives me. Then at lunch today I finally met up with Colin and Jarrett and told them what happened, and rather than hanging out in the hall for the whole lunch period we went to go steal food from people. Of course who are we going to see at the lunch table next to us but Lyle and Jordan, and a bunch of junior girls. Next thing you know they’re all staring at me, and then they’re laughing at something. Ughhh but whatever, like I told Brittany. We broke up and he cried. God I’m rude when I’m mad. So yeah I give Jarrett and Colin each lunch money so that we can go and sit in the hall, and then like 10 minutes before the period is over Lyle and Jordan come over. And all the guys are standing up, and Lyle comes and sits RIGHT by me. So I try not to look at him, pretend that I’m focused on Jarrett playing his gay psp game. BUT THEN LYLE HAS TO BE A FAGGOT and asks me why I broke up with him. And I told him I had already told him why and he asked me again. And by now Jarrett, David, and Colin are all just staring at me laughing. So I yelled I’m not going to talk about this right now because I’m not going to cry in front of everybody. And he was like then can we talk about it later when no one is here, so I was like okay. I didn’t know he was gonna try to follow me to my next class. He sure knows how to make me feel like shit. He said that it doesn’t matter that my feelings aren’t the same as his because he still wants to be with me. UGH. I told him that that wouldn’t work because I DON’T have feelings for him. Then he started saying how he screwed everything up and is a bad boyfriend when that’s really not the case at all. He was a great boyfriend and he was really sweet and never messed anything up. I’m just a stupid girl who doesn’t know how to control her emotions. I want to like him but I just can’t for some reason. Ughhh!!! Then when he left I started crying and then I got pissed off because I shouldn’t be fucking crying over him. How is he gonna be the one to make me cry when I broke up with him. UGH. And my makeup isn’t even waterproof so there’s another disaster for ya. He made me want to do dumb things. So I’m thankful that I wasn’t alone in my room. BUT HOW THE HELL IS GONNA CONFRONT ME LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. URGHHALKDJFA. Why doesn’t he fucking understand that I don’t like him. I’m emotionally retarded, honest to god, I swear that’s all there is to it.
By the way I’m in my last period class right now. Going crazy. This all just happened about a half hour ago. I could really use just a reassuring hug from a friend. Too bad all my guy friends are…idk.
I want to leave. I feel like I’m going to die. I don’t even know why the hell I’ve been crying. I guess it’s just out of guilt or something. UGHHHH I NEED TO STOP BEING A FAGGOT.
God mother fucking dammit. If he asks me again I’m going to go ballistic I swear.
Oh and yeah I guess it does get worse. It smells like dog shit. And this is the 2nd time I've smelled it today. Ew. UGH. I already checked and I know I didn't step in it. Thank God.