In the quiet after the small summer shower I begin to think. What would if be like if I wasn't always forced to stand in the middle of the war. What would it be life if I wasn't asked to lie to one friend by another. If I didn't have to listen to them threaten each other. I wonder what it would be like if there was peace again. And then I fear that I am right, and that for Peace to reign she would have to be alone. Torn between the darkness and light with a love for both. I will not lie and say that I don't love my Mythril, I do and always will. There has been so much pain between all of us, and for most of it I have not seen a reason. Its as if we have no choice but to hate. Is this what we fight for, a world full of hate and war, where even kin can't get along. There are so many people I wish I could just yell at, but I don't have the courage, or the desire to cause pain, to say these things. So instead I write without regard to the consquences. I am not even sure if the parties read this anymore, I know they did at one time, but a sense of apathy seems to have descended around everyone. And I wonder if they imposed this silence on me consiously. Perhaps thats why he never answers the pager anymore. Well have I ranted and wondered enough? Or should I actually scream....STOP THROWING ME IN THE MIDDLE...STOP ASKING ME TO HELP WITH YOUR FUCKING PLOTS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER..was that clear enough. Dammit I wish someone would just hold me, is that so much to ask. For the people I love to hold me when I begin to cry, when the world seems that its crashing down. Obviously because when they see me cry they leave they don't hold me...just hold me please. *shakes* I won't ask again.