About a month ago, I made a deal, a pact I suppose with the Goddess...in return for knowledge I vowed to forswear the touch of men for three months. And now i wonder what I got myself into. I wasn't wise enough to ask for a specific type of knowledge, I just assumed that I was asking for knowledge of my craft, or magicks. But now I am not so sure, I wonder if she is attempting to teach me even know. And I wonder if it's a lesson I wish to learn, a lesson into the hearts of those I love. It seems as if she is trying to show me that they are not worth my trust, worth my undying loyalty. I thought for a while that she was trying to tell me that they weren't worth my love. But I realized that everyone is worth out love, everyone. Love is something that is to be unconditional, and its not suppose to have reason. We love, only because we love. And then I began to wonder if the price was more than I bargained for. If the hands of men include someone to hold me when the world falls down. I wonder if she intends for me to know pain, the true pain of lonliness. I know there is knowledge and wisdom in empathy. For I am a true empath. I have felt pain before, but never before have I felt this alone. But can I question what is to happen this next three months. All I know is that my self-imposed celibancy (so I thought) will end the moment I enter New Orleans on the 23rd of August. Then maybe my questions will be answered. Until then I will only strive to see what is being shown to me. And hope that I don't lose my heart, and my Love in the process. For out there is an angel with mythril wings who holds the leash to my heart. And somewhre out there is a wingless angel who holds my chains...chains that I must decied if I wish to break.