I went wandering this evening, just wandering, no thats not true, I went walked down to a little park by my house. I was hoping to see one of the two men who haunt my every thought. Now I am confused by why they invade my dreams and my every thought. One of them I know that I love, and will always love. Somewhere inside I know that he will never return my love in the way that I need. But even that knowledge doesn't stop me. Because there is always that hope that he will, that he will see how much I truly love him, how much I can offer to him, and he will take me in his arms. That I will actually be first in his life. But I fear that I will always be the other woman, the one that he turns to when the woman I will always call sister spurns him. I am the ghost, the misty mirror image of the woman he truly loves. But I guess if thats all I am given, then I will hold on to that because I love him, I really love him. If only Mythril could read these words, but he says his computer won't let him on this site. And the other man, you ask, why does he haunt my thoughts. I don't know, maybe its because I love him. I did once I think. But how could he expect me to be everything that he needed when I was so fragmented. He picked me up when I was thrown away by Stephen, and I am grateful for that, but not enough to just give away my life. But the question is do I really love him, because that is reason to give everything away. Or does he haunt my thoughts because I feel that I betrayed him. He was the only person that I turned away in thier time of need, I did it because I was afraid. Afriad of the fact taht I couldn't bring myself to say what was in my heart. I couldn't say no when I should have. And I may never know because he's lost. No one can find him, no one. Or no one that will tell me. I am afraid that he did something stupid, and maybe I need someone else to blame for letting him down, but I am the one that made him leave. I couldn't face him anymore, and now more than anything I need to know that he is okay. Yes I know that I am being stupid and weak by wondering about him. But I can't help it, I miss him..wow thats actually the truth. I miss him, because he actually loved me for just being me. Thats unless I believe that there is a giant conspiracy, which I just can't bring myself to believe. Well if you have any comments throw them at me.