I chose this picture, because this is what i want, what I really want. Someone to love me, to care about me. I am still as lost as I was last time. I am falling in love with Silver, more than I thought possible. But I am afraid, very afraid. I don't know how much I should say, I don't want to scare him off. And I just don't know how he feels about me. Things could be so perfect between us, or everything could be lost. And worst I don't love Mythril. I can't any more. I can't blind myself to our past, and that makes it clear how much we shouldn't be togethere. there is so much pain between us. And i say this without having seen him in eight months. I have no idea how I will feel when I see him again in August. I just want to hide from all of this right now, but I can't. I need to make decsions. Shoudl I tell Silver that I love him. or shall i keep silent for a little bit longer. Maybe I have finally found someone who will hold me. Ancient memoreis or not, he makes me happy. Should I take a chance, should I put my heart in the hands of fate? Its so hard for me to say what I am feeling a lot of the time though, its so much easier for me to write. When I write its like everything inside of me opens up. And I actually speak the truth of my soul. Everyone who is reading this is seeing the real me. The one that is scared and helpless and often hopeless.