*sigh* Just when I think that everything will finally make sense, the dust settles to show something I wasn't expecting. Mythril has been saying some things that gave me hope that he wanted an actual relationship, but then I hear from kitsune that he may be with another girl. Did I expect anything else from him? No. Our past is so littered with broken promises and torn hearts, and pain. So no, I don't think I actually expected him to come to his senses. And then just when I am sure that I fell for another jerk, I learn that the things that Susan told me weren't exactly true. I trusted her, but she's just trying to get the guy. I don't like deception and lying...I find it to be the cowardly way. Me and Silver had a very long conversation late last night. Why did I go with him? Because it was storming and a couple of weeks ago we spent an evening walking in the rain, and it was then that I think we realized how happy we could make each other. Last night, I couldn't tell him no, because it was too perfect of a night for truth...a night when you can speak your heart without fear. I don't know what it is about summer thunderstorms that can make you feel so free, but they do. And it was a night for cleansing. He says he is afraid because we both have plans, and he doesn't want me to turn my back on those plans. Oh yes my plans to chase a man who is being chased and chasing several other women. To maybe find a little joy, but I will always wonder if Ghost will come back. Because I know that if she did, that he would run to her. He always does, its his destiny. Hell I am the one that told him that last year. He knows that she'll never stay for more than a couple of months, but I guess thats how much he wishes to be with her. Oh what we will do for the illusion of love. Life is about changing, I have learned that over the past year, and for a chance at true love and true happiness...I would give up all that was asked of me. That is my answer...I am willing to give a lot, and I mean a lot for true happinesss...not some fleeting illusion. Silver I hope that you read this tonight. I hope that you can see that this is the true me...the one that worries not about how people will see me, but who only wishes to be Free!