Today is the first day of spring, the time of renewal. I have been thinking a lot about the start of this new season and just letting the change take me over. Letting it tell me that the winter is over and now spring is here. From here the nights will only become warmer. So, in all I am starting to feel a bit better. I was treated like an adult today at my mom's friend's wedding. Went over to thier suite and was told that I could drink as much as I wanted by both Julie and my mother. So, I must admit that as I write I am little tipsy, but even before that I was starting to think. I was forced to sit through a Christian wedding and it just made me yearn to feel the strength of the Lady again, so I concentrated on her warmth. And there it all was, every sense of peace I ever felt in this world. None of the bullshit that through some far off god figure things can will be magically better, but that with each season comes changes, and spring is on its way. Hope is the true Savior. So to all those who thought I may pepper my bathroom in blood, I say not this night...