My mind will not quiet, illness has racked my body, leaving my mind alert. I look back at the men in my life. And it is BJ that haunts my memories, not because I love him more, but because he was the most effective razorblade. The one I returned to each time I might have been happy. I knew that his touch could only destroy me, I had crumbled once. And yet I let him kiss me and with a brush of lips I was once again cutting. And Stephen, my Wings, what can I say. We were once happy, good for each other, but I streched for another's hand and he found his Urielle. Now the wheel prpeares for another turn and we reach-a pair of razorblades. The others I feel remorse for Chris, Luke, Jack. I never mean to break thier hearts, but they have no claws. It is Micheal and Malachi who keep me awake this night. They tell my story, wear the blood of my fall. And in ther storm, I lost my flame, lost sight of the Ghost.