I would like to say I do not like who I am, but I cannot, for I do not know who I am. And it is unfair to judge someone who is a stranger to you. I would settle for being able to say I do not like who I've become, but blind ignorance stops me there too. I cannot even connect my past to the present. Recently, I have found old poetry and journal enteries. I do not remember writing these, but I must have because I signed many of them. And worse I do not recall the episodes reflected in those words. Those memories seem to belong to someone else, I am an alien to this body. I yearn to find myself. I was once innocent, we all were once upon a time, but I think mine lasted longer than usual, maybe I was just extremly sheltered. At 15 I thought I could still save the world and every living thing in it. I found a picture for that year and I saw happiness gleaming in my eyes. That would be a month before I would meet Becky. Was it that circle of friends that brought such darkness into my life. Or was it losing them. I suspect it was losing them that shattered me so badly. Either way I can not regret those days at Cat's and Becky's, they were the happiest years of my life, I think. Well, its getting late.