Right now I am listening to music such as Crying, Better Man, My Immortal. All those lyrics that only makes the tears fall faster. I feel so alone, so isolated. I just want to be in your arms away from this night. I feel that I am always lost in the darkness, alone because everyone else is in the light blinded by thier lives to see the orphan in the shadows. Angie is never home, or she chooses not to speak with me, I don't have Amanda's number. There is no hope of Stephen calling for he is suppose to be in the field for nine days. So he says but I ask myself can I really trust him. He makes me all these promises of life in a place where I can find my happiness and then runs away. Why do you always run away. Why does no one stay. How have I become so cursed? Its so bad I even miss BJ, I feel those old feelings resurfacing those emotions I spent so long overcoming. I would love to hear his voice again. But, more than any thing it is you Ghost that I miss. I think about you, and know that you allow my name to be mentioned and it once gave me hope. But now if only shows how far away you are. I wish you would scream at me, tell me how much that you hate me. Just scream at me, don't leave me in the silence. For so long you were more than a sister, no to me you weren't anything close to a sister. I loved you, I still do. I miss you insanity in my life. Maybe today I will look at you art again, and make myself cry for those memories. For a time you could have been mine. I would have done anything for you, if only you had asked. I miss you I want to hear your voice again, tell me what I did, tell me how I can make it better. I'll make it better I swear, just give me a chance. I promise I won't fuck up again, if only you would hold me and tell me it will be okay. Won't anyone tell me that its okay?