( 11:18pm )... There's so much shit that has been going on lately I haven't had the time to write it in here, so I'm gonna do it now and get it over with lol. Hmm well I started talking to this guy online... (PJ)... and my friends liked him... he asked me out so I eventually said yes... but all he would do was LIE... make up all these OBVIOUS lies. So my friends started to hate him. I cheated on him 3 times but I told him all about it... he sort of forgave me... I have no clue why. He tells me that I'm the only one and that he loves me, etc, yet he went out with my friend while me and him were going out... all these girls from 180 and his ex-girlfriends would tell me all this shit... and then I found out he uh yeah how do I put this... hooked up with one of his guy friends that I talk to... but he also denies all of that. He was probably going out with more than 10 girls at the same time. I eventually broke up with him cus I couldn't take any of it anymore. But I still hear the lies. I skipped 7th and 8th period with Matt to make sure he wouldn't kill himself... that's when I cheated on PJ for the 2nd time... Matt was kinda forceful though about it. He told me he loved me and that he was over Chelsea etc but it turned out to be a lie. So obviously Vescovi (principal) called me down he only gave me detention for 1 day instead of 4 cus I was honest with him and told him about how Matt was going to kill himself. Haha oh yeah and Matt was walking a few feet in front of me on the way out of school and I was gonna walk in front of him to piss him off... but Vescovi (principal) grabbed ahold of my coat and pulled me over and started telling me to stop chasing after Matt lol it was funny. Well Chelsea started to become friends with Ron, Jack... and all them... Jack supposedly "loves" Chelsea and wants to go out with her. Jack and Matt got in a huge fight about that shit. So me, Chelsea, and Jack went to Matt's house to make sure he didn't do anything stupid again... and as we're walking down his street this little kid started talking to us telling me and Chelsea shouldn't go over there cus he'll make us walk home crying like he does with ALL his ex-girlfriends. That's nice isn't it... I turned out to be one of them lol. Well we got to his house... me and Jack stood out in the street, Chelsea knocked on the door, Matt opens the door and slams it in her face... he goes upstairs opens the window and starts blasting Slipknot. So we walked over to Joe's but he wasn't home so we walked back to my house. Then Jack was all over me and Chelsea which turned out to be hell cus Chelsea kept kicking him in the nuts and I kept trying to separate the two of them lol. Then Matt wanted to fight Jack so we all walk up to the back of Cost Cutters... and they are like argueing back and forth sort of... Matt said he couldn't fight cus he was drunk and only fights in "daylight" yet there's a fuckin light shining on them... so Jack makes Matt apologize to us and Jack called up all his friends and had Matt apologize to them too. So then we left. The next day the cops came to my house when Chelsea was over... we got in trouble but the Brick kids didn't which is fuckin rediculous... so Chelsea almost wasn't allowed to hang out with me anymore cus of Matt! I heard he went back to the mental institution cus he wasn't in school and supposedly he's out now but he still hasn't been in school so I'm assuming he got transferred to North or something. Hmm what else... oh yeah and a certain someone (*****) not gonna name him cus he probably wouldn't want me to anyway... finally came out and told me that he loves me and wants to go out with me... but... he's too into his reputation right now and doesn't want his friends making fun of him if he went out with me... which is dick. But hey I've put up with him for how long now... 10 years? lol Wow... I really miss all my friends back at Carrier Clinic... especially Marcus... I've been trying to look him up and see if he had a MySpace but I had no luck at all :o( I really liked him alot more than a friend and I wanted to tell him that but I was too shy to and too stupid to get his number or screen name or whatever. I MISS YOU MARCUS!!! That was the best week in my life... 1/12/05 - 1/18/05 forever!!! I've been so depressed lately about with everything that's been going on... I can't take any of this shit anymore I really can't. I don't understand why guys feel the need to make my life a living hell. I have all these mixed feelings building up inside of me that's about to explode and I'm so confused I don't know who I can trust anymore I don't know who I have feelings for either. I still have suicidal thoughts every now and then... I always will... but I haven't attempted in a long time. I got in a huge fight with my mom about stupid shit not too long ago. I'm getting over my "bronchitis" which I still think was the flu lol. Ahh I'm supposed to get my period tomorrow... I better... cus that would suck really bad if I was pregnant lol. Megan's not friends with me anymore for NO reason what so ever... but whatever I don't care it's her loss not mine. I'm failing like so many classes so I'm just gonna drop out of school when I turn 18 which is like a month and half from now... thank God! I can't wait cus then my parents can't control me anymore. Chelsea was supposed to sleepover tonight but she got grounded cus her dad found a convo of her and this kid and I'm not sure exactly what happened with that. Matt's still alive and kickin according to Marjorie since Matt talked to her friend or whatever lol. Supposedly me and PJ are chillen tomorrow night which I highly doubt since everytime he's made plans with me they never happen. This guy that lives near my school killed his wife and wound up killing himself and his dog so yeah that doesn't sound to lovely... and this kid that's friends with my friend killed himself... R.I.P. Well that's pretty much all I can remember that has happened lately... peace. ( 11:28pm )... Ahh yes wait... Matt just answered my message... gonna meet him at Foodtown at 5pm tomorrow to talk to him... WAHOO! I missed you buddy!