It just keeps getting worse. Last night I found out that Mike's mom has hated me since we first started fighting. No matter what I do it's never right. I've been praying to God every night since this happened, praying to help me out a little and help me make everything better. But he doesn't seem to want to answer my prayers cus it just gets worse. I don't understand how God can forgive criminals and murderers and such, yet human beings hold grudges and can't forgive each other. Honestly how is that going to solve anything. That just causes more hatred in this world. We need peace. You can't have peace unless if there is some kind of compromise involved. Keeping me and Mike separated is not solving anything. That just shows that you don't have a heart that can forgive and forget. It's wrong to keep two people that are in love, away from each other. Sometimes people need to put themselves in other peoples shoes... yes I know... I need to do that myself more often. I just wish I knew what else I could do to make everything go back to normal again. If I knew things were gonna get this bad then I wouldn't have done all the things that I have. And now I'm suffering the consequences. But there's only so much I can take. It's killing me. I don't want to lose Mike. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I love Mike with all my heart. Anyways... Alicia pissed me off again today. Brittany was telling me yesterday that what I did to Mike was fucked up and not fair to him this and that. But today she was like "did you know Matt has a girlfriend and said I love you to her?" I was like "I could care less, he has a new girlfriend every week and tells every one of them that he loves them." Like honestly I don't care... it's his life. I'm not jealous. I have no reason to be. Matt is no longer in my life anymore. I have Mike, I love him and I'm happy with him. Point fuckin blank. I handed in the application to the pet shop today. Hopefully they'll hire me. I think I'm gonna get honor roll this marking period... who knows. Ugh, my dad was like punching me in the arm and I bugged out cus I just wanted to be left alone. Now I don't even want to celebrate Christmas. It's gonna be so depressing. And another thing that sucks is that I always wanted to kiss the one I love when the ball drops on New Years... but I know that's not gonna happen since I'm not allowed to see Mike :o( Only God knows how long all of this drama is gonna last................ Oh wow... Mike just IM'd me... E CoastRider 89: me and my dad have been talking MotuzBabiGurl910: and E CoastRider 89: hes not guna keep me from something i really love but yet if we fight one more time and i agreed its just guna be over cause i cant take it no more and it just wont work MotuzBabiGurl910: i can live with that E CoastRider 89: my grades are going down im not doin good in swimming and im just all down and not sleeping E CoastRider 89: i wanna know exactly what your guna do to make this work MotuzBabiGurl910: yeah i haven't slept in days and the most i had was a bite of ziti and a bag of chips MotuzBabiGurl910: i'm not gonna argue with you anymore... if i get mad i'm gonna keep my cool, i won't talk about ex's anymore or anything E CoastRider 89: what else MotuzBabiGurl910: i'm gonna continue to stick by your side and support you in everything you do and i'm gonna continue to try to get my life together MotuzBabiGurl910: i'm done with hurting you, cus it just hurts me in the long run too E CoastRider 89: yeah cause .. you know MotuzBabiGurl910: yeah MotuzBabiGurl910: did your mom say anything? E CoastRider 89: my dads guna talk to her E CoastRider 89: we'll talk more when i get home ill ttyl babe MotuzBabiGurl910: ok babe, goodluck, i love you E CoastRider 89: love you too thanks E CoastRider 89 signed off at 4:51:53 PM. That made me feel sooo much better. So much relief now. But it's gonna feel weird being around his parents after this. I don't know. I just talked to my dad and my dad said as long as I stop talking about the guys then nothing should go wrong. My mom wasn't happy with the agreement between Mike and his dad but it's gonna have to do for now. I love you soooooooo fuckin much Mike! 9-10-05 it's you and me always and forever!