Wow... does anyone ever feel like so depressed and wished you could go back in time and change things whenever you think of the good times you had with your ex-boyfriends? Cus that's exactly how I feel right now. I was just randomly going through my friends profiles on MySpace... and I came across Jimmy's. And then I saw his girlfriend's myspace and saw the pictures of them together. He looks so happy. Without me. Sometimes I wonder, if I hadn't fucked up... if me and him would still be together. I miss those days so much... it feels like it was yesterday... waking up to the cam in my face and him blasting shit on the computer... and hearing him laughing in the background. Watching him play with his dog. Listening to him singing, telling him how good he is... even when he sounded horrible lol. Always worrying about him and being there for him when he was drunk as hell or depressed and cutting. I still have the bracelets and birthday card he sent me on my 16th birthday. And all the pictures of him. I will never let any of that go. We were so happy together. And when I was with Shaun. I was out with him and the guys everyday after school. Even though he never fell in love with me... it still seemed so right. Everyday with him was a fun adrenaline rush. Always protected and looked out for me. Even his friends did the same. Then came Matt. I wish I can relive those days for the rest of my life. Especially the day we met and the day he asked me out. I gave up on love the day I met him... he came to me... it's like God sent me an angel from heaven. To help me through everything. It was like love at first sight. If it weren't for him I would be dead by now. He saved my life so many times... I could give him the world and that still wouldn't be enough to repay him for all the things he has done for me. Matt has touched my heart like no other guy has or ever will. He means the world to me and he is my everything. Even when I die my love for him will continue to grow stronger everyday. Cus true love never dies. That was just 3, but I realized that all my relationships... I fucked up cus of Ronnie. For some reason I always fell back to Ronnie. I will never know why exactly... I know I don't love him. I guess that will be one mystery that will never be solved. Well that's what I've been feeling as of late... in the next entry I'm gonna talk about what's been going on lately.