I feel terrible, I have all these crazed emotions going on in my head (and probably also in my heart) and I can’t tell anybody. I don’t like talking about myself. I don’t care about solving my problems. I only care about other people, other things, the earth. I don’t care about me. And like, I feel so bad when Ryan asks me what’s wrong and I tell him “nothing” every time. He knows something is wrong. Almost anybody does. But like, he’s my boyfriend, I should be able to tell him things. No matter how much I don’t trust people and stuff. I feel like the shittiest girlfriend because I won’t tell him anything. And he probably thinks the same way. And like just sitting here thinking about how fucking retarded I am, I start crying. When I was on the phone with Ryan earlier, if we had talked for like 5-10 more minutes, I would have started crying. I don’t get this. All I want is too be happy. And now I’m depressed. You would be too, if you had just treated your boyfriend shitty, and acted like a complete bitch. I want to talk to him. I need to see him. I’ve tried staying strong. I’m pathetic and wimpy. Stupid. Retarded. Worse girlfriend ever. I don’t know how he can stand me. Cos I can barely stand myself sometimes. =(