My door in the other room just closed by itself. Oh, that makes me wonder. Jamie (my friend Jamie, not myself) and I have both been waiting so impatiently for this weekend to come. I mean hell, the weekend plus Friday and Monday off from school, who wouldn't want that?! I don't, anymore. It begun shitty, and it will probably end shitty. Ah, and Ryan broke up with me. Score! Yeah, that's shitty. Just shy of four months: my longest relationship, ever. Only person I've ever truly considered having sex with. Yeah, but whatever. He wasn't happy with me. I don't blame him. I'm really a terrible person. & he obviously never loved me. I think I'm all out of tears. Oh well. I have found the reason my door keeps closing and opening itself, it's supposedly really windy out right now. OAR, crazy awesome band. I'm really hungry, and I am eating Skittles, oh yeah, fun! I have soccer practice tomorrow morning at 11. I'm not sure if I want to go or not. Hopefully it gets canceled so I don't have to make a decision. Then again, seeing Shane would be fun. And maybe Kenzie will be there so I can see her new spiffy hair-do. I wonder if he is still going to read this. =/ Hopefully not. He doesn't need to know that I'm still completely in love with him. =( Justin told me to listen to Bob Marley, cos that helps him, so I did earlier. And yes, Bob Marley does help. Then he gave me his number to call him if I ever need him to talk to. Yes, I have wonderful, caring friends. I remember saying way back when to Harmony that I can only write when I am sad and depressed, so maybe, something good will come out of this. What would I rather have, poetry or Ryan, obviously the answer is Ryan. Oh damn, this is just terrible. =( You can't just "lose feelings" for somebody after almost 4 months. That's basically preposterous! But whatever. Whatever makes him happy. As long as he is happy, well, I cannot really say that I am happy, cos that would be pure bullshit. But now my mind is going to go thru everything and see where I went wrong. =/ Damn it. I knew it was too good to be true. May 4th to September 1st R.I.P. To the greatest relationship I was ever in with a guy who was completely worth it. (And he's still totally worth it, even after breaking my heart.) :'( edit You know, if he really didn't want to hurt me, why did he ask me out in the first place? I can't think of what I did to make him stop liking me. ='( This is really killing me. He wanted me to paint his body. He told me he did. Maybe if I smoked weed with him, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe if I got drunk with him this wouldn't have happened. I just don't get it. But I want to get it. I need to get it. I need to truly know why he broke up with me. I couldn't have been that terrible of a girlfriend... [Dear Ryan, I still ♥ you. Very much.] ....I guess I fell way too hard. When he didn't fall for me at all. & I guess I was wrong earlier when I said I was all out of tears, cos they just came with a surprise visit. Lucky me. I love you Ryan...