I discovered something about myself during study hall yesterday. I've been in a lame mood since the 4th. Like a sad, lame, depressed mood. And I figured ou tthat I'm probably never going to fully trust the male species when they tell me I'm beautiful or when they shower me with compliments. I figure that I do this because I still believe that I did something wrong that, and that is what caused Ryan to break-up with me. Even though, he has told me many times that it was nothing I did and that I was a great girlfriend. But like....I don't know. I almost started crying during study hall yesterday. It's so depressing because I thought that I'd be over Ryan by now. And the fact that we don't speak anymore depresses me. It's been three months. It's terrible. I need to get the fuck over him. But like, I hate this. & I don't know how to tell people this. Like for instance, Luis asked me yesterday what was wrong and I lied and told him nothing. =[ I wanna be with Luis so badly. He's the first person where that "love at first sight" bullshit fits. Ahhhh fuck. I don't know anymore. I would love to hear his voice again, though. I think I just need to figure out what I want and shit. Maybe I'll go see Mr. Roberts tomorrow and see if he can help me.