i don't know what is with me today. i don't know if i'm just PMSing or if i really have a good reason to be so down. i hate being down. everything is so much easier to deal with if i'm just happy. i just really want to see jake. so jaydub texted me and asked if i wanted to hang out with her and walk around town with her or something to get her mind off kyler. appearantly he hasn't been very good to her lately and she thought i would be the best to just hang out with her and have fun. which i guess i am most of the time when i'm happy. and i can be happy if i don't focus on what's making me not happy. blah. jake p. told me yesterday that i shouldn't be crushing on roo because appearantly he falls for girls who like him but only for like a week or so and then plays them and breaks their hearts. he doesn't seem like that kind of kid to me, but what do i know? i really just want to be able to crush on him and maybe if i'm lucky have him crush back and just flirt. i can't wait till beaver season; i really just need some fresh powder and a clear mountain. but the other thing is that i was thinking about how i'm always just the best friend to all these guys, and they always come to me with their girl problems and i help them, or they like me and i just don't like them more than a friend, or i like them but they don't like me, or i do like them and they like me but we're just too good of friends to mess it up. i don't know, i keep coming to the conclusion that jake was and is the best i'll ever have but i lost him and now i'm screwed. i guess i can settle for second best. i'm determined to find the closest to the best as possible. then again i could just be stupid and making a big deal out of nothing because i started my period today. i don't know. school was school; good but not as good as normal since i wasn't very happy compared to how happy i normally am. i just want to scream sometimes; i feel so unappreciated most of the time.