so i just got bailed on for the third time this week. first roo, then lakin, now roo again. why can't people just make plans with me when they don't already have prior plans? it messes up my plans and then i don't have time to call up anyone and see if they want to hang out. it really annoys me. if you have plans, don't ask me if i want to hang out at the same time because i'll probably say yes and try to plan it and then you'll be like "oh sorry i have to hang out with other people sorry" and i'm just left hanging. and lately, i've been feeling like that friend that people say hi to and are really friendly and stuff with -at school- but then no one really wants to be around me too much or hang out with me that much. and i don't know why; i mean i'm happy a lot but i'm not overly happy, and of course since i'm happy i'm not all depressed and "feel sorry for me"-ish. i don't know what it is, then. i feel like i'm a good friend most of the time but i guess i'm not? like mckay doesn't seem to want to be around me anymore, jessie and i are hardly even friends anymore, katie and i don't talk very much, and nick and i hardly talk. just people seem to be getting sick of me, or at least just see me as that one friend that you see every day and start to look past. its getting really irritating and damaging my already unhealthy self esteem. edit: baha, my slightly bad-ish day today turned into a really fun evening. roo invited me to go to the logan football game with him; so i did. i saw nick there, my best friend when i was really little and when he was my neighbor. i also saw katherine, my best friend right after i moved from being next door neighbors with nick. and of course i hung out with roo. he's kind of really cute. baha. all in all, i really had a good time. i'm glad i went out.