omg ..im so ...drained. i didnt sleep at all.. trinity is sick and i had to give her medication at 3 am...then she had a fever so i had to take the covers off her and put a wet cool rag on her...which made her even more uncomfortable. then she started choking. freaked me out. ..then she threw up on me. Great night huh? my brother is out somewhere walking the streets binging. runs out of beer. heads to the store. gets more beer. walk the streets. breaks into my sister's house... lou trys to appease him and take him to his house.. no. he just wants to drink and roam. we decided not to bring him home. i cant stand it when he is drunk. hes the worst kind of drunk. and he growls too. freaky shit man. like hes an animal. and he hovers you and just ...gets in your space. but if you get in his space..your fuckin ass is on the ground. luckily that hasnt happend. this time around he is so sad at how is life is. but then he decides to take the risk to fuck it up again. and hes only been out for a month. this always happens on holidays. can we just have one good holiday with the whole family with out chaos?? never. im fuckin behind on homework cuz iv been babysitting for 3 days. and tomorrow, trin is comin at 5 in the morning. i just hope i can focus and get my own responsibilities takin care of. im so stressed out about my brother. idk where the fuck he is. he could be aleep in some gutter somewhere. or it could be the worst. all i can do is just hope for the best.. then ...my brother-in-law aaron decides to use all the money my mom had and put it in the gas tank. ya that was nice. but disappointing when that's all you hace to get you through that day. so my mom an him get in a little fight. and what does he do but say.."ya ..whats 20 bucks? im the one spending 500 bucks to reroof your house." ya. thats true. but did we ask him to buy a sattelite? no. did we ask him to build an onning? no. did we ask him to reroof? no. but are we gratefull? yes , very much so. but when you take it upon yourself to do that. dont throw it up in someone else's face that your doing it when they didnt even ask for it..because if you do, your not helping out out of love. you just dont want to do it. plain and simple. i cant even hold still. i hope x-mas in LA turns out better. i have so much to say about so many things. but i cant find the words. i just need to think and figure out somethings. c'ya, ~~jac