it's me that changed. being away changed me. a lot. in a way that I can't describe at this time but it shows through. maybe i'm the only one to see it now but i can't go back. it's not even a bad thing and i doubt anyone else would ever notice but it's drastic inside. the outcome kind of sucks. i have told myself to be more liked i should smile more and just be so nice. or.. i should show how much knowledge i actually behold. or maybe just be myself. it sounds so easy but there is that wall that came from nowhere and planted itself right infront of my feet and even though im knocking nothing breaks through. i feel like i'm never good enough. but who says i'm not? like i have to prove myself all the damn time. and i want to do this every time i am around peers only. i end up (i feel) like looking dumb becasue i try so hard. and why do i want to try? i like practically none of my peers here so yeah. why try. because i get nervous. and i get nervous becasue im not used to certain surrounding that i once was. i wish i jsut lived on the stage becasue i wouldnt have to show myself and i could just hide my self in the shadow of the music.