my feeling today: happy. genuinely happy... i went out with my girls to the movies to see that Cinderella movie...it was pretty good... we had so much fun...we went to the 24-hour mcdonald's and saw these trailer guys and then went to the 24-hour walmart across the street and just had fun... we saw these girls there...there were 3 of them and they were wearing those little short skirts and amanda said sumthing about them being so short and they started following us! they didn't have enough balls to actually say something to us, they just kept following us around shooting us dirty looks...it was so fucking hilarious! then we drove home and we were early so we just drove around town listening to the radio and singing...then we went back to maria's house and just chilled out for a little... then maria's car broke down after we left, it would have been so funny to see! all in all it was a great night...i came home and i feel so bad for ed because he's all feeling shitty and i used to feel the same that he does about this girl---only i felt it about him..but i can't just sit around being miserable because i know i don't ever have a chance...i really felt like i was being genuinely nice to him and actually wanted to help him...it just felt different tonight...i went out and had fun and i feel so horrible that he can't do that because he always comes home and like didn't have fun because he's tripping over this girl...it's really kinda sad but i guess that's the type of person he is..i can't really give a valid opinion because i'm sure he doesn't tell me everything, so to me it's petty and really stupid, but i guess it's different...i also feel bad because i told my friends a possible secret of his and i feel kinda guilty... it's very frustrating because whenever we talk about his situation i want to yell "i feel the same way about you!" but i know that it would just make things weird..i can't help that i can't stop liking him...i want to , but ever since i met him freshman year, i've liked him..it's kinda pathetic, but at least i'm his some-what friend..i just wish i had a guy friend that tells me everything...i wish i had someone, girl or guy, that thought of me as their best friend and actually told everything to..i have girl friends but they don't tell me nearly anything...i want to be a person that someone comes to when they have a problem...i'm missing that in my life... i guess life just doesn't work that well for everyone...i'm out r0cking out of here, ~jean m/