I'm broken inside...with no place to go or fit in... I’m not quite sure what to do with myself anymore. I don’t belong anywhere. Nothing seems to satisfy me lately. I think I want something, but thinking about it constantly makes it so much worse that I don’t have it. I always thought I’d give literally anything to have him but I never seemed to take the time to think about it in other than a physical aspect. Yeah, I think he’s nice looking, but there has to be so much more…I know myself and I’m not the person who gives in for that. people have told me I’m shallow for looking at looks first, but I really think it’s a factor…the only problem is that it impairs your judgment on that person as well...a person. This whole me being his friend thing has SO many disadvantages that I never thought of before I got into this whole mess.I thought it would be so great to be his friend because even if I can’t have him, at least I have him partly…as a friend. It is torture. I shouldn’t expect of him what I do because I’m only his friend….but not in my mind. I need more than what he gives me. I rely too much on him for my happiness. I wish that my way of thinking could persuade me to stop liking him because my life would be so much less stressful. I’ve been told and I actually think so myself that I have a slight,or more than slight,case of bipolarity. It freaks me out a little bit, but I just cant help it.one thing can set me off, and most of the time it’s him. I think that it’s just because I care so much what he thinks or how he feels about me.it’s unhealthy. I know this and somehow I just can’t stop thinking about it & it’s setting my whole life off course. He’s going through the same thing as I am with someone else and it’s horrible I can’t tell him that I literally have first-hand experience, but I think he knows. Everything he is is everything that I don’t like in someone--he is immature, cares only about himself (or so it seems-he says he cares about other things but doesn‘t show it), and he is a complete and utter h-i-c-k. Everything I hate about PA is him wrapped up with a bow ( a bow and arrow that is) and sometimes I hate myself for liking him. there really isn’t too many special things about him .nothing that I couldn’t easily find in someone else. there is a Hell of a lot more to say on this matter but for right now, it’s good enough…have a good one, because I will certainly, once again, paint a smile on and pretend that I’m fine... with no place to go no place to go to dry her eyes broken inside she's lost inside