i got asked today what my birthday wish was gonna be this year... wow so much has happened to me in the last year... but that's an entirely diffent entry all together... this year i only have one wish but it encompasses many... i want to have a nite i shared with my friend to be remembered forever... and i don't mean it in a dirty sexual way either... that was the highpoint of our relationship... we shared more than just sex... i think... and i know we will never be able to repeat that nite... but mainly my wish is for him to always know that he was truly loved that nite... and that it didn't just start on that nite... and i know that i told him he's not capable of loving but i wish he were... at least i wish he'd try just a little... and i also wish that someone would let me try to do it for a little while... if he didn't like it then i would never try it again... i know i can love purely now... i am not the bitter little abused child anymore... i am an adult... or trying to be... i know everyone tells me that i can do better with someone who will treat me better... i always get told that... but i don't want to believe it this time...but who's really thinking about the longterm future... i hope maybe someone is... anyways... that's my wish... since u asked... luckily, i have nothing to worry about because there was no star and i didn't throw a coin in.... so i'm allowed to pretend just a little longer... but wishes have to be let go sometime... cuz reality is what we need to be left with... but u asked so i answered... truthfully this time... and for the first time i am not worried that anyone is gonna find out how i really feel... because if and when anyone ever reads this... it won't matter anymore... i will already have moved on and we'll laugh and joke about it.... i hope... or wish rather... eh, lol... "It's better to have loved and lost to have never loved at all... " ~ anonymous... actually i have no idea who wrote it... but i like it... it's comforting... ok done being emotional... nite all!!! Ciao...