well vodka is a weakness for me... but it gave me the balls to call kris... yes kris... hmmm... i'd forgotten how good he is to me... and to my self-esteem... he always knows what to do and what to say to make me smile... which i have needed... on another note... my old friend jeremy is back in my life... kinda... i mean we've been emailing back and forth now... hmmmm... he was always a cutie... for those wondering... NO i am not even close to being over Joey and over our situation by far... but i realize hey he doesn't want me so why should i keep pining over someone who isn't in to me anymore... why? because i still love him more than i thought i could after it all... but i am trying and trying oh so hard... i am not in any of these situations in order to hurt any of those wonderful guys... just trying to forget how horrible it feels to not be wanted by the only person that has ever made me feel whole and complete... i hate how it ended because i have no closure... i still feel like we are meant to be together... but whatever why did i have to fall in love??? why why why??? i knew i shouldn't have... but i am not gonna cry tonite... if i dont' then i will make it one whole week of not having gone to sleep from crying... hey it's been 24 days... but who's counting... other than me... i know that none of these boys will satisfy my need for love but i have to try anything to forget joey... like he forgot me...