ok so i am doing good... the suanne thing is under control... for the moment... i talked to joey about how he didn't truly believe me when i told him i wasn't upset with him at all for anything... my mom comes home on friday!!! finally!!! i don't know how she does everything that she does... so well... and makes it look sooo easy!!! i've been having dreams lately... alot of them... which i guess is good b/c it means i am getting sleep but they are getting more and more wierd... ok so this afternoon i had a repeat... in the dream i am sitting in what i am going to assume is our house (joey and mine)... he's getting ready to leave for work and i am filling out checks to pay for bills and stuff... and it's not until i stand up to hug him goodbye that i realize i am pregnant... quite pregnant... and i mention it and he kind of just looks at me like... yeah, have been for awhile... so i shrug it off and he leaves... well i am walking outside later that morning to i guess check the mail and i end up chatting with a neighbor lady who apparently knows alot about my current life (suprise... nosey neighbor lady)... she mentions how excited i must be about getting back to normal in a few months after the baby is born and i go back to the firm (firm??? still a little confused on that) and i tell her that i am not going back and that they will just have to deal but that joey and i had decided that i would stay home b/c he made enough to make that work out and i'd stay and take care of the baby... and then i go back to doing every day things... around 3ish i noticed that i automatically got in the car and drove (without knowing where or how to get there) to the elementary school to pick up my little boy... afterwards i went home and finished preparing the dinner i'd already started apparently and did some more stuff before joey got home... after dinner... we sat in the den and watched the news and stuff then headed to bed... in bed he talked about how excited he was that we were having another baby and how he knew he didn't show how much i was appreciated and if he could help out, just to let him know how... all while i am still trying to find out how long we've been married and other details without letting on that i just dropped into the twilight zone... or out of... whatever... ok doesn't sound too wierd right? wrong! for me that used to be a nightmare!!! but it was kind of comforting in a wierd twilight zone way... what does it mean tho... i mean it's not the first time i've had that same dream, it's just the first time i realized that i was in a dream while i was dreaming... believe it or not... it's been the most calming one i've had lately... no more dreams of me dying or getting into horrible accidents or the fear ones... now i guess i get to have the "tvland" dreams for a while... lol... i am not scared tho... it's kind of comforting... joey and i talked about baby names the other day... i like Benjamin (which is his middle name and his Big Daddy's name) and he said we'd have to work Daryl in... which is fine i like it... (it's his dad's name) and then he said how he couldn't believe we were talking about it... he said it felt so right to be talking about it but that it felt like we'd skipped something somewhere... not a bad skip... he's also gonna try to get permission to come home soon again... my dad's gonna buy him the plane ticket so he can try to spend some part of the holidays with us... i'm excited... tonite he told me about how he'd lived in a couple different places when he was younger and stuff (i'd asked) and i asked where he'd like to live... and he was like well it depends on whether it's a place to raise a family, be single, or for you and me... and he'd just started to tell me about Fredricksburg Tx when the phone started to die again... so we're gonna finish that conv. later... wow i miss him soo much right now... but i dont'... i tried to explain to him that even tho we are physically so far away from each other... i have never felt so close to anyone before... and i don't feel all psycho wierd about it... like i like to know that he cares about where i am and what i do... and i care about him and what he does... but we arent' all control freak about it... anyways i better go to sleep only a couple more hours and i gotta wake him up for work... which i really do love to do... it's nice to be the last and first person he talks to and i talk to everyday... i know i know... lol nite all!!! ciao I love you JOEY!!!