i hate this place sooo much... i don't see a reason to stay... and yes i am talking about huntsville... there is nothing here for me anymore... and even though i am so close to being finished... it is not worth feeling the way i do right now... i mean it was fun last year i guess... but this year it's way different in every way... if i thought that me not being here would affect anyone i'd maybe reconsider but it won't... i just don't fit in anymore... and that for me is something hard to swallow... i am used to being able to adjust but it's hard when there is nothing to adjust to... or rather there is no one to adjust for... i miss adriana... and i am glad that she is doing what she is... but it doesn't feel the same here without her... i miss evie and travis... and yeah they are still here but not... stephanie is alright... i mean she's fun to hang out with occasionally but she's not where i am in life... no one is i think and that's the challenge... i need a change of place... and a change of people... i am not that same girl i used to be... i am also not anything or anyone that can relate to anyone else right now... for the first time i got what i used to want... the ability to blend in and not stand out to anyone around me... i just am not sure i want it anymore... i can easily walk around campus and not talk to anyone i know because i dont' know anyone anymore... i can go to the store and not worry that someone will look at me or even notice me because the truth is they won't... i am just not sure how to handle that anonymity (being anonymous) i think i spelled that right but it won't really matter cuz who's gonna tell me i am wrong... i am glad in a way that i can write whatever i want in this thing... and not worry that someone is gonna try to talk to me about it... or try to fix me... everyone is too busy with something or someone else... yay... right? i am scared that i will never be able to run away to somewhere good tho... this is what i wanted right... used to at least... now i just want to get away... from huntsville and houston and tx in general... but where... where can i go where i will be someone people want around them... and i know that someone out there who's read any of the other entries will say why not ND... well mainly bc i dont want to run somewhere where i will become dependant on someone else... bc what happens when he doesn't want me either... eh, i am just not used to joey's schedule... it's sweet that he calls me from work and then when he gets home in the morning but i miss him... when i talk to him at nite i dont' realize how truly alone i am in this town... cuz i am not when i am with him... he's my everything and just like he told me i am his everything too... i can't wait until i am with him again and everything is ok again... i'm scared to feel this way... i am not used to needing anyone like this... but i do... it's not that i picture myself growing older with him... it's that i can't see myself get older with out him... ok i am gonna go take a short nap... joey should be home from work in several and that way i won't be all groggy when he does call... i love you honey!!! ciao