It's 4:20 AM in the morning. A damn Monday morning at that. I've gone through another sleepless night to just add to the list. I had a chance to talk to some friends earlier, mostly Ashley and Trey. It was kinda cool. But they both asked me the same question about the exact same time: what am I going to do? I answered their questions in context for how they meant them, but now I'm questioning myself. When my computer crashed back in May, I thought I was looking for something. I never found it until a few weeks back. Then I lost it again. I thought to find it, I'd need this thing back. Now that I'm here...it's not. Hell...does what I'm looking for even matter? What would I do when and if I found it again? Probably hide and run in the other direction, that's what. All of this has got me doubting myself again. I waisted an entire summer trying to better myself for nothing. Nothing I did actually mattered or made a difference. All I did was waist take up the time of my friends and prove that deep down I'm completely worthless. I listen to everybit of advise and encouragement to become my own person...be more confident...stop following...and what happens? I'm back to that kid hiding behind his sketch book. Only problem is: I don't have a sketchbook anymore. I'm just a horrible friend, a lousy son, a crappy brother and probably better off hiding under a rock somewhere. *sighs, wiping a tear* I think it's time to get some sleep. Maybe I'm just over thinking stuff...I'm told I do that too. Maybe a nice few hours of sleep will do me good. Then gain, maybe I just wake up in search of what isn't there any more. Either way, I'll be back around noon/1ish if anyone wants to talk. Other wise, theres my cell. Well, until our paths cross again.