You know...this completely...*growls and begins throwing shit all over the place*...I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD! As though fucking October wasn't the worst month ever, November has to start off as bad. I'm sitting here in my room, working on a pic of Alphonse Elric for Belldandy. I've got my music playing gently, it's really peaceful. Well, I hear a crash and a car speed off and Rob tells me he thinks someone threw something at the house. Well I go out side and my face turns white as a ghost. Some fucking asshole took a gun and shot out the back window of my jeep. I've got a really strong feeling as to who did it. Do I have proof? No. But given the fact that the asshole bragged to me about doing shit like that in the past and I recently pissed him off...putting two and two together isn't really rocket science. I'm just worried that with all the info I gave the cops if I'm wrong that he'll do something back at me in retaliation. *sighs* Then I'm tossing and turning in bed, finally getting to sleep. I'm having the greatest dream imaginable about my wish and I wake up screaming. This damn 200 lbs German Shepard of mine decided she wants to sleep in my bed and jumps into it landing right where no man should ever be violently hit. *hits wall, thanking god I'm moving* Damn it and now I can't get back to sleep, though it totally inspires me to draw (the dream, not my damn dog). Then, lets top it all off with the fact me and my father aren't seeing eye to eye on a lot of shit, leading to countless arguements. Hey, you can only make a person feel so bad until they stand up and start fighting back. And finally, someone who I thought was a friend pieced something about me together from an entry in my sketch book and now won't let me live it down. *screams some more* Damn it all to fucking Hades and back. Green Day's Wake Me When September Ends should be Wake Me When 2005 Ends. You know what...?! Make it 2008, that away that faggat Bush will be out of the White House and maybe the new guy (or woman) will bring our boys and girls home from the pointless war their in. Hey, it's their way of life over there. Who are we to say our way is better. I mean, yeah, Democracy rocks and all that shit but it also got that drunk with the sluts for daughters in the highest seat of power, didn't it? Time's like this make me miss Clinton. At least when he lied, no body died. God, I just want to lay down and go into a dream that I won't wake from for a long time. Just let me fade away and become a distant memory. You can say this is an emo's way of thinking or what ever, but I've earned the fucking right to feel this way! Yeah, I had a great childhood and wonderful parents, and the world has just barely began to fuck me over but it could at least buy me a drink first. Yeah, I knew life after graduation was going to change but come on! I graduated in May and it feels like years. I don't get to see any of my friends any more. My fucking father and brother could care less about me. My nightmares are becoming more frequent. The woman I care for could give a fuck less if I were dead let alone anything else. I'm getting sick more often and alot easier and it's scarying the fuck out of me. I get laughed at on a daily basis because I'm a fanboy. My fucking jeep was just shot at and vandalized. I've got to get rid of my Faye-Faye (that's my german shepard and yes...she's named after Faye Valentine of Cowboy Bebop fame). I get treated like a damn child though I'll be 19 in less than 72 hours! And to top it off...I hate myself, more so than anyone out there could ever possibly realize, for wanting something so simple but not being man enough or worthy eough of getting it. And yes, I know I'm complaining, but so fucking what?! Isn't that what a journal/diary is for?! I'm sorry if it isn't all rainbow and flowers like I was hoping it was gonna be. I wanted to get away from the sad angst, to show that I had hope again. I am such a fucking idiot. I had so much hope again. I actually... .... *stops cause I'm really crying* .... ...it's just not fair. Right now...I just want to fade away...