Yeah, I'm too lazy to hit edit on my earlier entry. Oh well. I actually did something I've never done before today. I woke up and looked outside, then proceeded to cover my face with my blanket and went back to bad. Getting a good night's sleep didn't help my feelings from earlier, it only helped to reinforce them. Why? Because when I woke up, I still felt that way: worthless. That means it wasn't just my mind from lack of sleep. So, I'm going to go for a little bit. I'll be back on later tonight. I just wanted post a poem here that I posted on DeviantArt.com. So, if our paths ever cross again... +++ My heart beats faster and faster, my reason for smiling is in my sight. It feels like I’m running towards a disaster, yet I know what I fight for is right. My head pounds in pain, a sign that I’m working too hard. I’d do anything for the gain, even if that means struggling through another yard. I collapse to my knees, cursing at the ground beneath me. As the wind blows gently through the trees, everything that I am begins to flee. “What the hell am I doing,” I think, “what’s the point in all of this?” As the questions begin to sink, I feel all I’ve done fly away as gently as a kiss. I stumble back onto my feet, and begin a long walk home. All the crossroads of my past begin to meet, my past desires and dreams are like an open tome. My body trembles and shakes, being so open to the world make me so scared. All I’ve ever wanted forms a fork in the world to take, I don’t know which way to dare. Again, I find myself at my knees, cursing the ground, the filthy soil is a fitting place for a someone in my shoes. I could die right here and never be found, lost in a Purgatory for haven’t yet paid my dues. The images of my loved ones, family and friends alike, pass by, they laugh at me, “I betrayed my heart“, they say. My eyes begin to water, but I try not to cry, finally my worst nightmare comes true on this day. For years I’ve tried to be better, working to be a better person and more like. But the rain in my heart on makes my desires wetter, as my friends all tell me, “Take a hike.” I’ve fallen from grace, my house cards has fallen apart. I was too fat and weak to win the race, never again to see my queen of hearts. If all my work had paid off in full, wouldn’t things be different than they seem? All I’m left with is the part of the fool, and screaming to awake from this bad dream. But as I find my way through the night, I’m still left questioning all I am and have done. I realize that I am not the guy blessed to win the fight, I’m only here for everyone’s jest and fun. With what few angels there are high above, I’ve set off the bomb on my own heart. It breaks and it’s soul flies away like a dove, and I’m left to cry and play the lonely man’s part.