It’s 6 in the morning and I can’t fucking sleep... Well, to be honest, I had a rather long entry planned to be posted last night. A lot of bullshit went down over the weekend and I really needed a chance to vent. I vented, but never posted. I read and reread and reread the entry, but something kept aching me on. I really couldn’t figure it out. Then as I was about to head to bed, honest story, I tripped and knocked my sketch book over. It opened up and what I consider my favorite photo I’ve ever taken slid out. I about broke out laughing when it finally hit me. See, Friday night, a day that was planned almost a month ago to be a great start to an even greater weekend, came around and I was dragged out to this club called “1123”. Now, some things went down that made that night beyond horrid, one of which was me catching a really bad cold. How’d I do that? Well, me and a friend were standing outside to get away from the noise and smoke. Sadly it was freezing and raining all the while someone else had my coat. Anyways, he said I looked sad and asked me what was on my mind. I looked up at the clouded night sky, icy watered rain bombarding my face, and then I looked at him. I said simply, Right now, Dill, I could be having dinner with the most beautiful woman in the world. He proceeded to ask me why I wasn’t. I went cold. I had -no- answer for him. I mean, here I was at this club, mixed up in the same shit that made me drop Reactor and got the girl I like to hate my guts. Difference between that and Reactor was that this wasn’t a gut feeling, it was a cold-hearted fact...one that had been pointed to my face on more than 10 occasions throughout the night. Yes, I’m a dweeb and I did keep count. See, once is an accident. Twice is a slip of the tongue. Once you get passed six, you should be leaving their asses in the dirt. Anyways, what’s this got to do with a photo kept in a sketch book and the fact that this diary/journal is no longer privatized? (in case you didn’t notice, it is open again) Well, first and foremost, I’m tired of hiding. I spent most of my teenaged years hiding my face behind a sketch book. I’m not going to do it any longer. Yes, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. Frankly, I’ve probably made enough to account for seven or eight life times worth of “fair mistakes”. But I’m only human...as much as I wish to the contrary. And as such, I can only apologize so much. Secondly, these are my feelings. I’m not saying anything I should have a reason to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? People I genuinely care about will stop speaking to me and generally shut me out of their existence? *shrugs* It’s already happened. Can’t change that...again...no matter how much I wish to the contrary. So, lets get the most 4 most important facts of the day down, shall we: 4.) I’m not going to be hiding any longer. Can’t handle it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya on the way out. 3.) I’m an artist dweeb. Hey, is “dweeb” even a real word or just a word that’s been used so much in our society that it’s an honorary word? 2.) Low temperatures + ice rain + a t-shirt = getting you slapped by an overly protective empath (inside joke, you probably won’t get it...but if you do, welcome to the club) 1.) I’ve apologized/explained myself enough for Reactor and my past sins. It’s a new day and a new chance. *sighs* Well, that felt invigorating to say and get out there. I know some people feel much more comfortable with secrets and such, but I just can’t do it any longer. I’ve spent my life idolizing characters that kept these secrets to protect their loved ones. But what do I have to keep that would cause anyone any harm? Nothing. Am I really that bad of a guy that I need to spend my life behind a sketch book, acting like an android lacking all emotions? Fuck no! ^____^ Well, that’s it for me for today. Its raining and I feel like a walk. Yeah, I know I’m sick and should be resting, but the day is young. I can rest later, gang. Boys and gurls, catch you on the flip side...