A private journal for friends only? A bit of a change. But honestly, I just needed to say something things that I need only my friends to hear. I trust that what ever you read here stays with you. That means that anything I say does not get repeated or brought up again...NOT EVER!I know I don’t ask for it that often, but I really just need a shoulder to lean on right now when I say the next couple things, or three, depending on my mood. First, I don't think I'll be going to Reactor. It’s not that I can’t go or don’t want to...it’s that I won’t. There is nothing I’d rather do than spend three days out of this city with the girl I like and her friends. Really, there isn’t. But at the same time, its the reason I won’t go. I won’t go and just be a ride. I mean, she knows I like her. She made that clear a week or so ago. She was sending me this stuff between her and her ex, then tells me that she knows I like her and that that was callous of her to do that. Which I won’t argue. It was. But like the loser gentleman I am, I just shook my head and said it was ok. I just...I don’t know. All I know is I better call her so she can find someone else to take her. Second, trying to make yourself over is a lot harder than it looks on TV. I mean, I’m no longer wearing glasses. I’m wearing contacts that are killing my eyes so bad that I’ve had a splitting head ache for the last two days. I came home Thursday from wearing them and just wanted to crawl into bed and keep my eyes shut. See...I had a very bad experience with contacts when I was 15. Honestly, my parents were shocked I even wanted to try them again. Really...I just need a change. Not just in attitude, but looks. And with my lack of the latter, I need to make up for it by any means needed. I’m just glad these contacts aren’t changing my eye color. I love my eyes. They change shade based on my mood. The madder/sadder I am, the darker they become until the normally hazel color is nearly black. They’re actually the only way a person can truly tell how I’m feeling. Well...unless it’s Belldandy...she isn’t my favorite empath for nothing you know... Third, go see Waiting.... Minusing the pathetic “rap” video during the credits, it’s one of the funnier comedies to come out lately. And really...isn’t that what we all need these days? A good, honest, hearty laugh riot? It actually made me feel better having seen it. Finally, I want to apologize to the lot of you out there. Having talked to my brother, it seems I’m more of a bother to most of you than I am a friend. And, I’m hoping he was just trying to be mean, I’m sorry, though. I realize that I can be a bit...what’s the word...pathetic. Without trying to make an excuse for my behavior, I just offer that apology and hope I haven’t upset too many of you. *sighs* That’s it really. I don’t know why I felt the need to privatize this, but it seems that people I didn’t know where watching were indeed reading my journal. So, from here on out, any that mentions me having any feelings what so ever toward Kaitlin, any that are just me needing a shoulder when no one is around, or what not shall be private. Well, if you all won’t think it rude of me, I’m going to go lay down. I’ve been up for 2 days straight writing and drawing with a massive headache that no pain killers could destroy. I hope to talk to you all soon. Especially you, Jess. It’s been like forever since we talked and by the looks of your journal, a lot has been happening. *smiles some, hugging and not wanting to let go but does cause it‘s only proper* Later, guys and gurls.