ok, this is an entry that i am writing simply to clear my head. i do not expect it to have any significance whatsoever to anyone, so if you dont get it, thats ok, if you don't read it, thats even more ok. now, with that being said... ARGH. blah things. argh people and theyre 'peopleness' and blah things and thayre being hrrible and GRR. people want things and i dont want things but people want them but i really dont want them but people do and i dont feel right not wanting them but if i dont want things then i dont want things you know? but then i feel bad for holding onto things and yeah...things :'( and dude, MAJOR paranoia about people and things and failing and losing and errrrrrr...major sadness :'( then other people may want other things that i dont want but also dont really know if i want but i know i used to want but now i cant want and people arent things that they need to be so all of this is irrelevant anyway but ARGH. and i thought things changed but i dont know if they did or not and i cant know how i could know and people are all "no" and im all "yes" but inside im all "no :(" and bleh, still major paranoia and people are bein all "thisthatthisthatthisthat" and im all "argh MY GOD its this" and theyre all "NO its that" and im all "ok, WHAT the fuck EVER, its that" and theye all "NO this, please?" and im just all "grrrrrrr...FINE." and people are all "you dont need to know things" but i do know things but people dont know i know things and if i say i know things it'll ruin my chances for other things...but if i wasnt paranoid i would need to worry about things...but i AM so i DO and ARGHness... and other people are all "oooooh pretty *_*" and im all"...no." but...no. and people are all "NO!" and im all "oh thank god." but inside im all "but...no :( *feels bad-ness*" and i just cant win :( and people are all "things" and im all "i know...but no." and theyre all "but...things" and im all and im all "i know, but i can't" and theyre all "ARGH but...THINGS" and im all "MY FUCKING GOD you think i dont know that already?!" "and theyre all "then THIS" and im all "no FUCK YOU" *runs to a corner and cries* i need therapy. actually...i need pills. or an insane asylum. or shock therapy. SOMETHING. therapy does nothing for me. if anything, its made me MORE paranoid, cuz its one more thing i have to worry about, one more place that i have to learn what can and cannot be said, one more place where i have to watch every word that comes out of my mouth. not to mention its an extra hour that i could spend elsewhere. and ARGH more things... i knicked myself shaving the other day. i noticed the mark on my leg today. i kinda missed it. and yeah...fucked-up-ness. but on a lighter note... i ♥ you sarah...and thanks. and i ♥ my barry cuz hes my twin, lol.