so... today. *deep breath* today...sucked. majorly. not that i expected anything else, considering... still, i wouldn't have minded being wrong this time. it rained alllllll day today. actually, we lost power and got sent home early from school. i don't normally like the rain...but today it was okay... i walked in the rain...and no one knew i was crying. i don't know why i let everything get to me today, i just...can't help it... when i was in 7th grade, i met this girl...her name was april...she was my best friend. around november-december...some bad things happened...she did something really stupid, and she got suspended from school because of it. she was crying, so i hugged her and told her everything ould be okay... she told me she was afraid to go home because her parents abused her... after that, everything changed. she became less of a best friend to me and more like a...well, like a kid i guess. i looked out for her, i protected her, i took care of her... i loved her... i dunno, when i look bck on it...i probly did have a crush on her. i might have even been able to love her eventually, if i wasn't so damn homophobic...but that was back in the time when it wasn't okay to be gay, when if you weren't straight you were shunned by everyone you knew... but i did care about her...i did everything in my power to make her as happy as possible, and to help her, and when that didn't work i tried to help in ways that were really beyond my power...but i still tried. anyway...eventually she moved out of her dads house and moved in with her mom who lived a few hours away. and eventually, i found out she'd been lying to me the entire time...to use me... her being abused, and afraid to go home, and all that shit about how bad her life was...it was all a lie. and i haven't really talked to her since then... i dont know why im bringing all this up. i guess i just feel like my friends deserve an explaination for why i was so...out of it today. and i don't feel like telling them in person, because i hate doing that. then i get the whole "oh you poor thing how could someone do that to you thats so horrible blah blah blah..." don't get me wrong, its good to know they care...but i don't want pity. especially when shes the reason behind it. it's in my past, i'd rather just deal with it on my own, i don't need anyones help, because this isn't something that my friends can make go away, and it isn't something i like to talk about much. so...yeah. shes in my past...let the memory of her die there. so yeah, thats why my day sucked...and it didn't help that when i wasn't thinking about that, i was thinking about her...and the song that was stuck in my head all day didn't help much either... but what can you do but push past it and hope for the best? The storm is bad tonight, so how could I awake without you here? Your picture's on the wall. You haven't called. But I'll wait for you. To her own reflection, she says, "I will hold on" To her own reflection, she says, "I will be strong" The storm is letting up, but it won't die. If you weren't wrong, was I? Your picture still remains, but I wonder are you still the same? To her own reflection, she says, "I will hold on" To her own reflection, she says, "I will be strong" Am I losing you? Am I losing you?! I've waited, I've waited til it's over It's over now... To her own reflection, she says, "I will hold on" To her own reflection, she says, "I will be strong"