ok, so last night...wasnt that great. my parents were being jerks again. they tend to do that. so afterwards, i went into my room...im not going to lie, i was going to do it. yeah, that. there was one spot, i always kept one in...on my desk, underneath the mouse pad. nothing special, but it was more convenient then searching under my bed, it was closer. so i looked under it...but it wasnt there. instead, there was a piece of paper. faerie print paper. I'd forgotten...the last time kim was here, she left me a note to read after she left. it wasnt a whole lot, basically it was "I love you." but that was all i really needed...you know? so when i read it that first time, i threw away what was under the mouse pad, and put the note there instead, in case i needed it again...which i did yesterday. so last night, i read it again. then, i realized that i dont need that anymore. i mean...it did used to help me feel better, but that wasnt the real reason i did it. it was more that it gave me something to hold over my parents heads, something that i alone controlled, something they didnt like, but couldnt do anything about. it was my only means of rebellion. but i dont need that anymore...now, i have a different way of going against what they want. its a much, much better way of rebelling against what they want...not to mention it makes me MUCH happier then cutting ever did. and its also something that they cant control, nor can they ever take it away from me, no matter how much they might hate it. which makes the entire thing even better...if thats even possible, i mean, it was pretty great to begin with ;) i love you kim.