hey. i suppose i should offer some sort of explaination about the last entry, huh? ok, well basically... i had a bad week. i got hurt by people who didnt even realize what they were doing to me. i hurt some people myself. i didnt sleep pretty much all week. and a whole bunch of little things that arent important, but when you put them all together... so on friday, i was already upset. then i got all frustrated/pissed off because we have a test coming up in that class, and the teacher gave us a review sheet...of course, i didnt know any of the stuff on there... then the teacher came over to me and said he was "worried about me." which, we all know is code for "you're failing this class." so that didnt help. then, on the way to b block, i totally lost it. i was going into a class to take a test which i knew nothing about. so i started crying... so barry took me down to guidence, and i ended up pouring my heart out to the last person i'd ever thought i'd be able to talk to. but she's really the only one i could talk to...no one else would understand...and if they did, i'd just end up hurting them too. and i think theres enough of that going on right now... i just dont know what to do now though...theres like, nothing i can do to fix this. and that scares me. and more then that even, it hurts... if you were expecting an answer as to why all of this is happening...im sorry to disappoint you, but i cant explain that. to explain would be to hurt the one i care about most...and if it comes down to that, i'd much rather be the one thats hurting. but it doesn't feel right holding someone else's hand together on phone lines and living at two opposite ends it scares me to think that you could find takers other than me and better than me but your head is elsewhere and I'm talking enough for both of us when will you see it's not so easy for me... -Emery