My sister is going into have her baby, they are going to have to induce her because she is late.... I can't decide whether or not I am happy about this... shoot..I'm starting to cry again.... I don't want Jacinda to leave.....I want her to stay....I want my sister to keep her baby....I WANT MY NEICE DANGIT...LIFE IS NOT FAIR..WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY NIECE, SHE WON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM...SHE WON'T KNOW MY NAME, OR EVEN THAT I EXIST.........it's just not fair... and now I am bawling.....i hate crying...it doesn't help anything it only makes thigs worse..... so why do I keep doing this?..I just can't help it... With her birth gettting closer and closer my heart aches more and more....it's almost unbearable....... I know I am going to cry when I see her for the first time.......... ...........and I know that I my heart is going to die the second that the adoptive parents take her in their arms and walk out the door....I don't know what I am going to do... I thought that I could be strong, and not let this bother me so much...but it's quite obviouse that I can't handle this..... If I knew that someone could understand what I was going through, I would run to them...but no one knows the pain that I am going through....... ........at least no one that I know of..... I wish I could understand....I want Jacinda to have a mommy and a daddy...but I want to have a niece, I want her to know that I AM HER AUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN......WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE....WHY CAN'T HANDLE THIS.......no not again.... I can't sit her and cry anymore, this whole deal is making my life miserable, I don't want to make anyone else's life miserable either!