Hm. so I woke up this morning... many time. First at 2, then again at 2 30... then again at 2 36. Then i woke again at 4, and once again at 5... before i drifted into a slight doze til 7. I'm paranoid about the production coming up.... therefore it explains why I dream only of rehersing. (rock n roll highschool-the ramones comes on) So insanly cold in here Frightening isnt it? when you stop and think about how fake everybody is as of late. (fight-no vacancy come on) It's sad... but Thats alright... people need to hide to shine... I understand it I guess...i used to be like that. Sorry Ryan... relapse... I'm craving a popping spree. Stop me now please. I can stop myself just fine, you know that. It's just that yea... sometimes I need to be told when to stop... or when to go faster... faster... FASTER !!! Blow my mind... you really do (touch me-school of rock soundtrack comes on) *I'm going to love you... til the stars fall from the sky... for you and I* sometimes I try and ignore that little voice in the back of my hed that keeps telling me... telling me to speak up. Just to stand up and shout.. Cuz sometimes it just feels good to shout... ya know? Like today. I was waiting for Mr M(why dont i call him gary?) and bernard put on his footloose soundtrack and we danced and danced and danced. (iron man-ozzy comes on) It's fun... really. Just to dance like crazy sometimes.... we pretended to know the dance, and we jived. lol. I had fun. Wish my Ryan would dance with me like that sometimes... or ever. But NO NO NO. he's got dignity. Bah. i dont. I like to look like a fool sometimes. as long as I'm having fun... ya know? So i just stopped thinking. and once again I thought of you. makes me smile to know that when theres nothing on my mind.... theres still you (immigrant song-led zeppelin comes on) poetic isnt it... the fact that everytime I look at you I melt... and everytime I melt... I fall for you all over again. (growing on me-the darkness comes on)I love it.... sick.... but got your so fucking hot. GAH! really.... I just cant believe that i get to be with somebody as amazing as you.... Seriously.... you have this amazing personality... amazing laugh.... and your smile! AH! not to mention that ass.*giggles* Your really growing on me... or am I growing on you? Your part of me now... and i only got myself to blame. And really... i cant explain it....Actually yes. I can explain it....check it out Y O U R O C K M Y W O R L D (shine -josh todd comes on) I want Josh Todd... amazing... buckcherry? he's coming back.... on his own... with an album called josh todd.... If you want me to love your forever... BUY ME THAT CD good clean fun, yes, licking those condoms... fun for the whole family that is... shucks. (hybrid moments-mifits comes on) Sometimes... i wake up in the middle of the night a curse myself for the way i used to be.. images of the things i used to do fill my head and i just want to vomit... uld tell you about it... and you would say " well thats not that bad... really" And i would still feel sick to my stomach. Cuz your not the one who was used, treated like an object............ I was a shell, a vessile. and I allowed it in order to feel COOL OK... off that.... I've just been thinking to much today. not cool. I want my Ryan. Silly me... hmmm? e's out with Joe. Joes a cool guy. super nice. Talking about Joe. Today i offered him one of my mint nipples. and he wouldnt have one. He would have a normal mint... but not a nipple one. Weird. I can only sum it up to either: A) secretly gay B) He's a super loyal friend who will not accept mint nipples from his bestfriends girlfriend... and wont even look at them!!!? I'm going with B. mostly becuz A) it's joe. B) what else can i say besides that I'm reading this book ( i borrowed from Mr. Forrest) and it's super interesting. It's called Mrs. Blood. ( written by a woman in the 1930s) it's very femminist... i'm enjoying it. I did find a few quotes that i find interesting: "It is difficult, to make love with your eyes open, or crap in an open field. or cry on a bus. Although men can pee together, and can talk while their peeing, woman find it difficult to ask their friend to pass them toilet paper underneith the door" - Mrs Blood "...We talk while we make love ( do you like that? tell me what you like)" -Mrs.Thing "Once your well and truly down the rabbit hole, nothing seems incredible" - Mrs. Thing This woman, Mrs Blood, and Mrs Thing... are the same person. mrs blood is the pessimistic side of the woman, who is hateful, scared, and angry at the world. While Mrs Thing is the innocence that still lingers in the woman... she is the childish innocence that allows the woman to be optimistic. true laughter... brings bursts of happyness to everyones life.. it's an unbareable window into your soul that lets the world see just who you really are. It's sickening. so sickening...that as you laugh harder and harder... you cant breathe. It's odd isnt it? How the ONE takes away your breath in order to stop you from revieling her true intentions for you? * I'm going to love you.... till the heavens stop the rain* -All my love -Candise