All I want to do is be there to see a change. I know it's happening and I know it's going to happen. I dont care what he says. If I'm sex, then so be it. I'm being smart this time. I'm emotionally unattached. Sure. i feel for him emotionally. But I know better than to get hurt. this time. Insecurity is an all around factor. I'm insecure. becuz I dont want to be alone. i'm afraid of being alone. Always have been and i admit that openly. It's a weakness. but with that weakness comes the curse of giving people chances. You know what i look for in people? Something that nobody's seen yet. and I see it. I see it when i look at you, and when i look at him, and when i look at my other friends. It's there. and I want to be there to see it surface. I obseve. I watch people and I see how they react to different situations. It's what i do. I learn from watching others. It's amazing what you can learn from a person just by spectating. and dont get me wrong. I havent lived my life spectating. I have barely lived my life. I'm only 16 and a half years into it. Theres more to come. If I made a mistake. at least it was mine to make. If this is what I need to do. then be supportive. I understand that you disagree with what i'm doing. But i know that it's impossible to completely understand what i'm feeling. Do I feel at all... i have no idea. Perhaps this is all a mindless illusion of some childs wacky nightmare...and GOD this would be a messed up erotic nightmare for a child. but all jokes aside.... THIS IS ME. this is me expressing myself. i do this rarely in words... usually you see ME in my outfit. But right now. THIS IS ME. I have written what nobody will ever undrestand becuz it is what I AM, everybody is different, and it is impossible to completely understand anybody. but trying has never hurt anybody.