not truly into it right now. Tired. I'm in love. With Ryan. yes. With someone else? Yes. it's saddening. saddening to watch and know that I'm seen s jus something ... without the usual female attraction in their eyes. No, not saddening. Confusing. is it love? lust. Increasing attraction, yes. But love. oh god. it isnt. it cant be. no it cant be. it isnt I should just keep saying that and it'll go away. Infatuations are infuriating. agh. and the way he looks at me when nobodies watching. it sends shivers down my spine. I cant believe i can be inlove at such a young age. But i do love ryan. I do. so much. its cush a rush of feeling. i just want to live in him, like a hermit crab... You dont want to be caught unaware.