rehersal went well tonight. First night using the lights and sound effects. It was kinda cool... being on the spot light and all again. Ryans helping with lighting... which means I get to see him after school alot too now. lol. I see that kid too much. dont I? meh. Thats ok. It doesnt bother me in the slightest :) OH. theres this one part where " The Purser, Billy, and Moonie" walk off stage, beat up the purser, steal his hat, then walk back on stage. Its so funny hearing the sound effects for that part. (red hot moon comes on) I had a nice long phone chat with Lisa today during rehersal ( lisa is Mr Matwichucks wife) And as i may have mentioned before. Mr M is like a father to me.. hence lisa being my mother. :) I'm leaving for florida in 15 days. well actually... I'm not sure how many. I dont know weither I should count today, or if i should count the actual day I leave on. I've never been good with that stuff. (punk rock princess comes on) Great song... makes me think of my ryan... wanna know why? this is why : *If you could be my punk rock princess, I would be your garage band king. You could tell how you just dont fit in, and how your going to be something* (open eyes-Early November comes on) I think it's fitting for him and I... for after all. I am a punk rock princess. and He is my garage band king. More than that. he's more or less my everything. Ok. Sorry... I'm getting mushy... I'll stop now Ever wake up and forget exactly what you were dreaming about... but knew that it was something important.. and that if you didnt remember you would cause a chain of catastrophic events? Me neither. Actually. I have felt like that. Actually! this one time. I woke up and thought it was the next day after the day it already was because the dream I had was so realistic (opened my eyes-buckcherry comes on) This is my favorite song... it kinda touches me *And being with you was the moment I opened my eyes* I'm a very sentimental girl... and sometimes I take things personally. and Sometimes I say sorry too much. And then again... sometimes i dont say it enough. Then theres these moments when i get so weird that I get scared that I'll freak out everybody I hold close to me. (right now-van halen comes on) Then again... we are just a bunch of depressed teenagers. Bullshit. Thats just what she thinks. Yes. You. fuck. you piss me off you know. You think that people dont find out what you say? You think that just because your given this little thread of authority, that everybody will suddenly jump to your every command? No, thats not going to happen. There are alot of us, under 'your command' that are getting tired of your bullshit, but thats beside the point. I should stay optimistic... sooner or later She'll come to terms with herself and realize " hey, I'm a big bitchy bitch". Yes. thats right. I used the word bitch twice in a single insult to emphize the bitchyness of this individual. Oh well. whatever. life goes on.. :) OK. On the Up and Up. I am having an UP day. Besides the fact that I'm failing music theater ( due to GRRRRR) and also failing English( which is OK because it's a grade 12 course and I can take it again next year becuaes I'm in grade 11 anyway) (konstantine-something coorporate comes on) *It's always you... in my big dreams* God I love You. Sorry. Just had to say It. It was on my mind right as this song came on. and yes. I do you know? if it scares you, thats ok... It's not going to change how I feel. Threat? nah. Just truth. I've never really... Loved anyway. So sure.. how would I know how it feels... right? But the way I see it... If I were to ever really love someone. Then this is how it would feel. Sorry. relapse of mushyness. I'll cut down on the mushyness for a minute... how about... Um... I danced today. It was pleasent. And it was rgeat to spend time with my Crystal today as well. i missed her so much when she was gone... Cuz ya know.. sometimes you just need someone to talk to who will understand.. and she does. I'm not saying that Ryan doesnt understand. I'm just saying i dont think ryan would enjoy me talking sex and periods with him. Crystal gets that kinda stuff. not to mention that she's so incredibly cuddly and lets me hug her whenever I want As the world shouts " WHY DONT YOU JUST MARRY HER ALREADY!!!???!!!" Well the jokes on you... and you.... and you. We are dating. lol.. she is mu unofficial girlfriend. That was my ryan will always know just who I'm banging on the side... my sweet darling crystal :). Nah. I'm just kidding. I wouldnt cheat on my ryan. Never ever ever ever ever. Unless there was some freak accident and his body and complete self ( personality, memories, movments, laugh, smile, everything wonderful) got duplicated exactly and i was tricked by his natural charm ( and the fact that he would techniqualy BE my ryan) into sleeping with this freak ryan( or not so freak ryan because he is actually just like the real ryan in every way, and the real ryan is very freaky at all). THEN! Maybe... MAYBE then, I just might cheat on ryan... with ryan. Therefore. It wouldnt be cheating... becuaes it would be an honest mistake of mistaken identity... but not mistaken identity... becuaes it would be ryan but just freak duplicate of ryan... that wasnt so freaky because ryan isn't all that freaky to begin with. Ok... i thin I've wasted enough of your time... just need to free my mind of... well i gues literly everything. Goodnight all... All my love -Candise