I really am not enjoying life right now. I had a dream last night about someone but I don't wanna say who because I don't like him and it was just...so great. I wish that my life could be how it is in my dreams. Everything is just so perfect. And there have been a few days when it has come pretty close to being like a certain part in my dreams, involving a certain someone, but that never really went anywhere. I'm not going to give up on him. If I did I wouldn't have someone to think about and dream about and want to be with. It would be boring. And I know he could never like me, but it's good enough for me that he occasionally talks to me. I cried a few times today. I have an audition tomorrow for All State Honor Band and I've been slacking so I probably won't make it in...so I want to not even audition. But then so many people would be mad at me. People I respect and if they felt that way about me then I would have like no reason to be happy. Jocelyn would be so disappointed, Mr Hutchison would kill me and I guess that makes me feel really good. He really does believe in me and really does think I have potential so I guess that's really good. And Mr Hoffman would probably be kind of mad...he doesn't know me that well yet though anyway...and my parents already are disappointed because I haven't been practicing. If Linda found out, she'd be mad. Tara would be mad at me. Michael would realize how much better he is than me. And last of all, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't take this opportunity. I have auditioned for quite a few things and the outcome is always really good so I shouldn't worry too much...but I know I didn't really make an effort. But it's because so much has been going on!!! 3 concerts in one week! Magic Mountain! School shit! SBYS! Me being depressed!! A lot of stuff...and I shouldn't be using them as excuses. I think Foothill is ruining me. I want to get out of there. Right now. I don't even want to go back for one more day. I never really told anyone how much I hate it there but I do. I can name like 4 things I like about it. 1)Mrs. Butler, 2)block schedule, 3)PE at the Y, 4)off campus lunch (which I could totally not really care if I didn't have it...). But that's it. My other teachers actually suck. Well Mr Kellog is pretty cool too I guess. Ms Dowler like hates me and reminds me of Mrs Abbe. Miss McIntyre SUCKS. Mr Blum is a sexist loser. and...those are my only teachers. But because of Mrs butler it has made me not want to leave. She is such a great bio teacher. I think I'd have to stay the rest of the year anyway because I would be behind in a lot of classes at Buena and like...I need to finish Tech Lit. But next year, I will be at Buena. No matter what. I hate it so much at Foothill. I hate the people. I really really do. Yea, I've made like a few cool friends, but the rest suck. Jeff, Charly, Stewart, Chris, Megan, Kayla and uhh....thats about it.