[EDIT](February 28,2005) I'm so fucking confused. All the bad feelings are coming back to me. Maybe it's because people are becoming more and more (brutally) honest with me. And maybe I don't want to hear the truth, but I have to. And maybe if I talked to people...told them the truth, things could be better. But I always tend to keep my mouth shut. Afraid of what people will say. Afraid of hurting people. So instead I hurt myself and I'm fucking sick of this shit. i always feel so stupid at school. Maybe that's why I don't like it. I wish I went to Buena. Right now. It's my mom's birthday today. I feel bad. I didn't get her anything because I don't have much money and I never got the chance to go out on the weekend to buy something. I sang to her when I woke up. It was quite weak though because I was still half asleep. I hate how I'm telling everyone except the person who needs to hear it... ------------------------------------------------ OK so yesterday was a lot of fun. It went from me being a pessimistic bitch to being a happy girl. School ...well I don't remember much of it. But then after school I met Marissa and we found a shopping cart across the street from my house. We decided to adopt it and rode around to the back of my house (where my garage and stuff is). So we then had to go to her house so she could get some money & we rode it over there, taking turns pushing each other. It was soooo much fun. I only wish the camera was charged. Oh well. And then we rode it back to my house where we departed to go to the Vons shopping center. We got fries from McDonald's because she had a free coupon and bought B&J's Phish Food Ice cream, sobe & cheetos from Vons and went back to my house. Her mom called and said she had to go home so I went with her and amanda came too. We had pizza & stuff and hung out for awhile. And then my mom took us to Blockbuster to rent the grudge & girl next door before we went to Tara's. When we got to Tara's Skylar had just been dropped off so we all went upstairs and turned off the lights to watch the grudge. tara and skylar got all cozy and cute and i was FREAKING out. I had already seen the movie but I probably screamed the most. The funniest part of the night was when Skylar screamed and it was SO adorable. Haha. But yeah we were screaming a LOT. It's such a stupid movie but I got so scared. then skylar left before it was over so we had to watch the rest by ourselves. And then when it was over Amanda left but marissa &i spent the night. We watched The Girl Next Door and yea...just hung out. Then we slept. Oh and Lance called. He was like "hey are we gonna hang out tonight?" and i was just like...umm...no. So then i think he got kinda pissed and I just left because I didn't wanna talk to him. This morning marissa's dad took me home and my mom had killed my room. I had to clean up the whole thing and my bed is all low now so I'm happy. Tonight Tara is coming over, my parents are having dinner in Santa Barbara w/their doctor friend whose takin em in a limo. And so we're gonna order out and get pay-per-view and just veg. Or party. If anyone wants to come, then call me. I was just gonna stay home alone and watch scary movies but after last night, NO FUCKING WAY. I would get so scared. I was supposed to go to the mall w/Tara. But I don't feel like it anymore. Sooo yea.