[edit:] It takes a lot for me to listen to dashboard confessional. really. it does. and last night, i didn't even cry when i listened to it. how strange. And what I hate the most is when she walks away yelling at me, shuts the door, and decides she has one last thing to say to me. So she opens it, says her put-down, and leaves again. and tomorrow i will be at BUENA. So watch out buena kids, cuz here i come! ----------------------------------------------- we all know that i only listen to this song on repeat when something's wrong. it's almost as if everyone falls into this trap. nobody sees the real me. they see someone likable and nice. but in reality, i guess it could be true, whether i want to admit it or not. sean asked why i'm so nice. well it's because i hate when people are mean to me, so i'm not going to be mean to them. but...sometimes i think i'm too nice. the only people i'm really mean to are the ones i really love. i guess that's the relationship amanda and i have. the whole love-hate thing. and i'm sick of him talking about her. i wish it was like it used to be. but now she's moved in on him and i'm sitting on the sidelines. i guess it's better this way. (for them) and marissa. she completely fucked up when she told me those things. i'm really mad at her. and tomorrow she'll just come up to me and hug me and say how sorry she is. well i don't care. you shouldn't have said it in the first place if you're going to regret it later. i could say so many things to her. but i keep my mouth shut. because i couldn't hurt her like that. or anybody. that's how i always get myself into these situations. i'm so stupid. and i'm sick of fighting with my mom. and then waking up either as if nothing ever happened or as if the world ended. i can't believe what i wrote. i haven't finished it yet. i guess i'll finish it when i'm really depressed. but i think i'll go work on it now. shadowing on tuesday. hopefully. no pe=no david=i'm free. have you ever heard of someone who thought flirting was dirty? neither have i...until about an hour ago. someone should take this song away from me. i don't know how that's possible, but it needs to be done.