ok. so it is very easy to see that i haven't been in a good mood. just red my last four entries. so anyway, i took time to really re evaluate everything. i just wish i were someone elese and everytime something bad seems to happen, i blame it all on my self. more then likely because now more then ever there is alot of things going on all at once, and adventually, it turns out to be to much to just deal with. i like to think that i do try my hardest, and that i am worth something, but the truth behind it all is that i am no more better then what i do, and frankly, i don't do as much as i want to think i do. i mean, i study for a test or something for an hour. yes. then i get an f on the test that i studied for, then i beat myself up for it. but however what i fail to mention is that i studied for an hour, watching tv, being on the bus, right brfore the test, at lunch, with headphones on listening to heavy metal, and paraphrasing the facts. what i failed to mention is that it doesn't matter because i never really paid any attention. sooooooooooo. i have to try to keep a promis to myself. no more beating myself up for things i know i didn't do. i'm so busy worring about dumb unimportant stuff, i can't see what's right infront of me. so i try. i know it is easier said then it is done, but i need to get over this sucidle, mental case act.