it's kind of funny the things you can only tell a stranger. i mean you could walk up to some complete and random person, gush your whole life to them, not really knowing if they understand, not really caring if they care, and feel completely better afterwards. like the people here, they say things kind of private and no body really cares and in the end it just makes everyone happy because they can get this awful thing off their chest.i think that is so cool and yet at the same time really sad, because if you can't tell your closest friends or your family something that you can tell someone you mabe have never seen or otherwise never talked to, who can you trust? only a stranger? in that case, it is proving that no one is worth trusting because that stranger is friends with someone elese more then likely, and has told some of their secrects, alomst positively. this is a bad thing. people need to be more trust worthy. i admitt i have told some of my friends deepest and darkest secrects. i fall right into the untrustworthy crowd. i relize that it is so diffrent when it happens to you though. i mean.... it feels like shit. there is alot happening like i have been saying for the past few weeks or mabe days. time seems to keep runnning into eachother, so that the course of one week feels like one day. i have alot locked inside of me that i feel i can't talk to my family, or my friends about. i... i am so scared of being judged, being mabe even ridiculed, that i have kept this one thing a complete secret for the past few years, around 4. i love him but i can't stand him. i am starting to think that i only think i love him, because he's been in the family for almost 12 years now. i have been carring around this baggage for so long, it can either feel good to get it out and away from me, or i will feel like i have made the worst mistake in my life. but either way, it is still so hard to say because my heart is so heavy with it. i've let it consume me untill there is almost nothing left. the thing is that for the past 3 or 4 years i have been getting molested by some one in my family, someone thAT i trusted. i don't want to say who, but i needed to get it away. i gave up a long time ago,and because this secret held me down. nut i don't want to gravel in the past, although it still does happen. mabe just by telling someone, even though i don't know who you are, it is helping. i can't keep pretending that i am little miss perfect and happy, exspecially when i'm not.